Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
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