Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
