im drinking this country out of the recession.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
