I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
