my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
