They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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