Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
