dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
