he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Sext me about skeletons
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
