You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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