Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
