We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
you win again, gameday.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
