This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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