also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
