Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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