Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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