I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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