I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
