You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
