I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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