there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
