I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
