just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
