You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
