i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
