I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
