She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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