I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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