Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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