Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
