someone threw a dead crab at me
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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