plz talk dirty to me
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
