so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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