Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
