i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
where are my eyebrows?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
