I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
There r osticjed everywhere
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
