I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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