it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
