My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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