this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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