I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
