She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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