thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Someone shattered a urinal.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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