Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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