I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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