i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
