I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
