apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
