i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
