Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I am one with the molecules
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
