she was so not down for the gang bang
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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